Toilet paper thief falls foul of the cops

These hysterical times of global pandemic have already been witness to some irrational and often downright bizarre behavior.

But even with panic buying making sanitary items like gold dust in some quarters, it’s still hard to fathom what one petty pilferer in Florida was thinking this week.

Safraz Shakoor, 25, was arrested Tuesday for allegedly stealing from a Dodge truck parked in the driveway of a residence a few blocks from his Clearwater home.

The sum of his ill-gotten gains? A single roll of toilet paper, according to court records obtained by The Smoking Gun.

A Ring video surveillance camera captured Shakoor entering the backseat of the unlocked truck at around 1am and grabbing “a roll of toilet paper from a 6-pack of Smart & Simple bath tissue.”

The stolen asset roughly amounted to a whopping ¢17, given that an entire 6-pack of that economy brand retails for around $1. However, it can only be speculated that in Shakoor’s hands at the time of the crime the hind cleansers were effectively priceless.

Using the surveillance footage, the truck’s owner described the suspect to police as a “tall male with a gray hoodie,” according to the arrest affidavit.

Deputies soon located a man  – later identified as Shakoor – matching the description at a nearby residence. After he consented to a search of his person, they found a single roll of toilet paper in his right front pocket.

Shakoor was arrested on a felony burglary charge and booked into the county jail on $5000 bond.

It’s not clear what became of the purloined paper, but hopefully it wasn’t wasted.

	Clearwater, Florida
Location:	on the Gulf of Mexico coast, 21 miles west of Tampa
Population:	116,478
Median Household Income:	$47,070
Quirky Fact:	Clearwater was the onetime teenage home of Jim Morrison, lead singer of The Doors.